My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
