you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
