they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize