He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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