I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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