We're like a lot better than the average bears
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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