I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I didn't notice because vodka
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
