I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
