how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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