Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
