shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
