my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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