I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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