Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
