I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
