im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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