filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
