There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize