Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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