I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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