ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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