Define "chronic" masturbator.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my shit smells like andre
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
