i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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