U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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