What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
