I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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