if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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