yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
