Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
