when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
