turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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