My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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