My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
