I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
