Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize