and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
