soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
