I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
