I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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