Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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