He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
