Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So much rum. So many feels.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
