he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize