his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
