Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
