my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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