google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
