so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
