I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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