I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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