it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
