Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
