I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
