apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
