Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
