Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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