he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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