hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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