so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
