While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
