How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
do herpes really smell.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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