Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
