my vag is so smooth its legendary
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
