I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
