LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
