Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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