I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize