Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize