i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just pynch a tree in the face
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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