planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
