I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
