Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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