Dude my mom stole all your condoms
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
