kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
