Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
