What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
