i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
