Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The struggles of a small town man whore
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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