She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
