That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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