I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize