i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
