I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
