I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
