sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
