wrigley field is MILF paradise
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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