If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
they're like a gay fantastic four
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
