I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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