you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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