All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
