there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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