Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
