Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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