Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
COCAINE IS GR8
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