DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
