Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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