who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
