The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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