i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
