oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's always time for handjobs
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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