I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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