Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
