A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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