I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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