dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
