He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
