just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
