But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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