It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
