I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
where does the pee come out of this thing
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
